Questionable Milk...........

I can cook!  I love to cook!  Creating a recipe with fresh ingredients.....spices and whatever I find in my refrigerator is my specialty.  So, when I am short on time, and have little imagination, dinner on the fly always throws me into a tizzy.  Tonight, I decided, at the last minute, to try an old stand by, Hamburger Helper.  My kids love this, and even though I think it tastes mediocre at best, I am always willing to make it for them.  So, after a mad rush through the grocery store, I am home, skillet heated and ready to make my masterpiece.  I have chosen the ground sirloin, because, I think this will only enhance the, ready in 20 minute, meal.  It is only after I have the burger browned and the water and dry ingredients in the pan, that I truly read the box..........(sigh)...this calls for milk.  Opening the fridge, I stare down the large carton of white liquid in the door.  When did I buy this?  It is still half full.  I pull out the jug with confidence and open the lid.....hmmmmm.  I smell it....questionable at best.  But, like the dinner warrior that I am....I proceed with confidence.  I pour out 1 3/4 cup.....stir my beefy mixture and just as I am about to pour the milk into the boiling goodness....LOGIC hits me....a small voice of reason pops into my head and says "wait."  Holding up.....I ponder my next action, why ruin a semi good meal and have to toss a pound of ground sirloin, forcing me to order a pizza? Then, as quickly as that good logic came into my head, it goes out.  I find myself lifting the measuring cup to my lips....and yes!!  I take a huge sip!   OMG!!!!  What on earth possessed me to do this, I have no idea,  but, a sour substance and a few lumps fill my mouth, causing me to gag....I run to the sink, spewing white chunks. After recovering, still shaking my head, I call out to my son to go borrow milk from the neighbor....ahhh....Logic has returned.  Have an excellent day!

Dating.....21st Century Style

Suddenly plunged into the world of singledom.  I have no idea how to do this.  I am an instant gratification kinda chick.  This being said, I am not a jump in the sack kinda woman.  So, how do you balance wanting alot, now, with, a little at a time?  I have no clue, I have never been single. Internet dating is what everyone tells me I should do.  So, since I don't hang out in bars, and my time out is limited to kids activites.  I decided to check this new world out.  OK....so step 1)  Widen social circle.....by joining Internet dating site.
             step 2)  Add a profile....(List all redeeming qualities....funny, smart ass, what I want out of life(really?),  loads of useless movie knowledge, and love of obscure bands  LMAO
             step 3)  Add alluring photos ( they mean, pictures that will capture who you really are with out revealing too much info and or your moustache....crap :() 
             step 4)  List your height and weight  (WTF!!!) Ok...built for comfort, not for speed.
             step 5)  How much you work out......(does lifting a beer to my mouth count?)
             step 6)  Education.....Hey I am smart.....I can calculate the discount on my next shoe purchase, no questions asked.
             step 7) Smoke.......ummmm....smoke what?  When....How?...with Who....ok....is this the Spanish  Inquisition?
             step 8) How much $$ I make per year.....before or after my divorce?
             step 9) My hot spots....physically or literally?   It is currently my bed...because....well....why shouldn't it be?
            step 10) Activities:....work, laundry, yard maintenance, dishes..I love anything...will do anything....(once...twice if I like it) Don't look in my sink.
            step11)  Favorite things.....I said my bed right?  My kids..and food...( oh yeah...I am going to find a real winner)
           step 12)  What I want in a man.......


And there you have it.......my Internet dating profile....How do you think I will do?  I think I will put this phase on hold for a bit...and instead, I will focus on my children, my growth, and go wax my moustache.  (That, last statement should win me a few dates...hello San Quintin...smirk).LOL  Please comment!